Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
