There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
