Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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