Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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