Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
