Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
