so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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