Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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