You're completely useless in the revolution.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
