Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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