I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
