Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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