Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
