I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
