Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
