I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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