Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
