Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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