I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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