she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
