According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
