Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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