I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
