I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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