I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
