And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
