I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
