i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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