worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
