Don't make out with my wife yet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
