mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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