When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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