opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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