Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
