You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
