I'm so fucking centered right now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Screwed.edu
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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