my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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