Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
