Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
