I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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