apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
