Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
