I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
