You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
