Can Purell be used as lube?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
