please come you make the beer taste better
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
