Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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