Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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