my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
