return my video game
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
