i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
