eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
