My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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