if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
